Man I love bizarro iPhone apps ‘ descriptions on their App Store pages.  Where else can you find an app asking you pointed questions like What is one of the most challenges in social settings? Excuse me, could you use that in a sentence please?  The remainder of the description for iHookup is equally bizarre […]
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Bizarro iPhone Apps: iHookup

iHookup

Man I love bizarro iPhone apps ‘ descriptions on their App Store pages.  Where else can you find an app asking you pointed questions like

What is one of the most challenges in social settings?

Excuse me, could you use that in a sentence please?  The remainder of the description for iHookup is equally bizarre and confusing “ though I believe the gist is that you and I and anyone reading the page are a bunch of total losers who will never, ever hookup with anyone if we don ‘t get this app, right away.

Here ‘s a little more on how essential this app is and how pathetic we all are without it

If you are one those people who need a little help in the social settings than I would suggest to you to read on, if you are the life of the party than you won’t mind donating to the cause for those of us who need all the help one can provide. What is one of the most challenges in social settings? Probably going up to someone you never met before and dropping one of your clever lines. However the sad fact is that you are no Don Juan my friend, and you will come off looking like huge douche bag, or if you are a chick desperately seeking attention, then you’re better off looking for Susan.

This seems to be a sort of new mini-trend in bizarro app descriptions “ come on strong with the insults that point out how useless we are without the salvation offered by the app in question.  I guess someone has stats saying huge numbers of iPhone users have extremely low self esteem.

After going on for ages about how critical an app it is and how crap we all are without it, somewhere around paragraph 5, we find out what the app actually offers.  Here its is:

We have mapped out for you: LOL HEART U UR HOT OMG HI GET UR # SUP ? WANT 2 HOOK UP? YES NO ANIMATED KISS SMILEY TOOL 911 NUMBER RATING And if those predefined graphics are not enough we added custom TEXT button. Type whatever you want and your message will scroll like a ticker tape.

Wow.  As the Guinness folks used to say Pure Genius.  You ‘re no longer on your own “ you ‘re armed with that stunningly impressive list of ever-so-original and witty lines to use.  Phew “ I ‘m very glad I ‘m already ‘hooked up ‘ “ and somehow I managed it despite being a huge d-bag who has never used iHookup.  Just got real, real lucky I guess.

Anyway, if your self esteem left the building ages ago and you feel you need it, iHookup is in the App Store now “ I recommend a long, slow read of its description. 🙂

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